how do i process grief?
This article is about my perception of grief and how I process it. Grief, for me, is the process of letting go of internal and external aspects of our world. For the exterior, this could be grieving the death of people we love or leaving a particular place, job, thing, hobby, or dream due to life circumstances. The most complex and overseen type of grief is learning to let go of internal aspects of ourselves we might cling to. We could grieve losing the person or life we used to be or have. It could be letting go of the stories and pain we have clung to for so long as if we might miss it or are uncomfortable with the unknowing of who we will be without those aspects of ourselves.
Our body holds the keys to our healing, and each of us personally will have different tools for the grief process. It's about trusting ourselves to learn how to navigate it. My favorite way to move through grief is dance. Allow yourself to move through it in any wild animalistic way these bodies have been gifted with, whether singing, screaming, making wild animalistic noises, using the breath, or allowing the cleansing tears to flow. I also like to use spending time in nature, taking walks, exercising, cold exposure, artwork, music, and ingesting supportive herbs as part of the process. Grief is typically held deep in the stomach, so it is about using these tools to dislodge and move the energy upwards somatically.
It takes incredible courage to allow ourselves to surrender to the life process of grief. For me, it's about letting go of self-judgment and looking at some emotions as bad and some as good. For men, we have been buried by the lace up your bootstraps and stay strong. For women, they have been suppressed by the cultural nice, polite girl syndrome. Our healing hides behind our cultural programs of self-judgment and chains of dignity rather than allowing ourselves to feel and be the wild animals we are. For me, grief will either bury you alive or give you the wings, the gifts, the superpowers, and the creativity your soul craves. My pain and suffering used to drive, terrorize, and sabotage my life subconsciously. Thus far, I believe it is a life's work, and some aspects of our grief will always be present. The more we learn the tools and move through this process as it comes up again, the less time it takes and the weight it will carry.
This video represents how I process the more burdensome moments of the grief of my story coming to the surface. One of my go-to's is allowing myself to feel my anger by screaming and punching a pillow. A rapid, sometimes simultaneous process of sadness, disappointment, and grief unfolds in doing this. Posting this live video was highly uncomfortable to share with the public, as I have been revisiting one of the heavier aspects of my story recently. May we all find the courage to permit ourselves to be the beautiful mess of humans we are.
This process is so potent when having the opportunity to be held and seen by a group of fellow humans. I am hosting a few Cacao and Rose Ceremonies groups in Lincoln, Nebraska, over the next few months. I also offer other services and one-on-one support if you are interested. Let's ride.
