how can i stop self sabotage?

2018. The last two years have been a massive purge of the younger hurt boy I was clinging to but will forever be a part of me. It has been a blessing to get to know my (for lack of a better term) 'inner child.' To learn how to self-soothe that part of myself and uplift me in moments of reliving old 'stories,' I used to tell myself.
You think you have done all this 'inner work,' and then somebody comes into your life, revealing so many layers of yourself that you wouldn't be able to reach without them. It is not easy to look at these aspects of ourselves, but without true, sincere self-honesty, we will forever be trapped in destructive ways of being.
Relationships can be like little Buddha's! If you allow, surrender, and honor them as magnificent teachers, they will help you find your way. I needed to recognize my past relationships in a positive light. This work had to be done to attract someone willing to meet me at the same depth I desired to be bet at. I had to become aware of my destructive role, forgive myself and others, and let go of any negativity I held. I realize these are abstract ideas, but there are tools to help apply these words to real life.
I recently realized I used to replay this pattern in my life within romantic relationships in which I would take out my own discontentment, insecurities, and my pain on my partners. I would do this by saying triggering things or withholding my love. I would also judge, nitpick, and rearrange the most frivolous aspects of their life. This was a way for me to keep my past partners at a distance and to stay in self-protection mode. To ignore the beauty and magic of the person I was with. This was ultimately done out of fear of loss and of my love being taken advantage of. First, recognizing these behavior patterns in past relationships with sincere self-honesty was the only way for me to help navigate this space in the now and with my current partner. This is the classic self-sabotage.
One of the most influential teachers in my life taught me that when we fear loss and love and cling to the safety and security we find in protecting our hearts, we will forever find a way to sabotage our relationships. With love comes jumping into the unknown depths, away from the protection and security we have built around our hearts. This has been one of the scariest but most rewarding things to work through. It has been facing my triggers when they come up, trusting that they are trying to show me where I am not going deep enough in my own healing. Taking that space to really feel what lies beneath it all.