how do i stop being an enabler?
2018. I was taught how to be an enabler. I was enabled for most of my young adult life, almost to the point of killing myself. I felt victimized and trapped inside my life, always giving myself over and over to people unwilling or capable of meeting me the other half of the way in relationships. As I learned to speak up for myself and allow myself to be heard, I learned to trust that my feelings were guiding me and needed to be validated by me. Enablers typically avoid conflict to keep the peace. They are in denial about the seriousness of their loved ones' behavior. They bottle their emotions or have false hope that their behavior will improve over time. They lecture, blame, criticize, or take on responsibility for them. They play the role of the rescuer or take responsibility for the behavior or emotions of the other. They support them financially and try to control them. As I dive deep into my healing journey, I hold myself to a high standard of being and behaving. This can be detrimental, but I am learning to be gentle with myself and find balance. To be as truthful and honest with myself and all my relations. I have noticed that I still hold small parts of this way of being to protect my loved ones from hurt or pain. In some cases, ignoring my own needs. I have watched and allowed the people I love to come close to killing themselves and was enabled to do the same thing in the past. I am done with this way of being. It is a time when we must step into a place of standing up for ourselves and our loved ones. I have recently found myself in many situations where relationships that were very dear to me were on the brink of ending due to pure honesty out of love. I am not saying we need to push our friends and loved ones past their capabilities or rush their healing, but I am done watching my friends and family literally kill themselves or our relationship. The truth sometimes hurts. I hope all my loved ones know that I welcome all the constructive criticism of my life and way of being with open arms. Let's take the power back together with forward movement.
