what is an ayahuasca dieta?
2023. I do my best to be open, honest, and vulnerable and share the truth of my story and process. My shares have become unbalanced with the realness of my life's work and process over the last two years. I share a lot of beautiful inspirational words and pictures, but I do not want to give a false reality of what a life of growth and healing can be like. It's filled with sometimes extreme ups and downs, but I prefer it to a life of bong rips and Netflix. The last two years were filled with a fierce intensity of what I perceived as good/bad experiences. All I know is it was so fucking intense doing my best to stay calm, to be an observer of my process and the ones closest to me. So many ecstatic, joyful, blissful moments and moments that felt like I was in the pits of many death processes of the self. I feel run down from this period and out of tune with myself. This has been one of the most pivotal changes in myself as a man for my growth. Knowing when we need assistance, owning that to the world, sharing it, and getting it. The medicine and the spirit of the jungle are calling, and there's just not much I can do about it. My soul will struggle if I don't listen to the call.
The more I resist or convince myself I don't need any more of this medicine, the more my body feels like it's imploding. When I lean into the call, the waves of fear and anxiety are met with a more profound feeling and gnosis of expansion in my body, and a sense like the wind will carry me to the place of everything I have dreamed of. I have now sat in 7 ceremonies, all of which took place separated by weeks or years of each other. A few very gentle, a few experiencing 10,000 deaths in a night, a few of a little of both medicines. I have sat with inexperienced Westerners, trained medicine men/women, and indigenous lineages of Yawanwa/Huni Kiun/Shipibo style ceremonies. I sat in what felt like very wonky spaces that have definitely left me feeling more substantial and aligned with a higher respect for the medicine space and circles. I am all the feels about sitting in my first lineage-supported Shipibo-style diet.
A diet is an extended period (one week up to a year) of complete isolation from people, technology, sex/masturbation, and substantial restrictions from stimulating foods such as salt, spices, oils, etc. During this time, you work with a non-ayahuasca master plant of the Amazon jungle for focused healing and opening/connecting to the wisdom a specific plant has to share. The idea is 24/7 is spent in complete dedication/isolation and communion on the process with no outside distractions or stimulation. This creates an extremely high sensitivity to the subtle communication of the plant you are dieting and allows for deep healing and connection to the powers and teaching of the plant. It embeds the plant into you on a cellular level so that you can carry the healing, instructions, and abilities with you on your journey. There are hundreds of Amazonian plants used for this purpose, and apprenticeship and learning to serve ayahuasca traditionally comes from dieting over long periods under the guidance of a maestro/a. The Maestro/a uses songs or sounds called "Icaros" to open a portal to the plant kingdom as a whole, where they can channel the essence of the group of plants that can be used in a diet context based on the person's condition and what they perceive is happening on an energetic level as they examine someone in a ceremony. Icaro is an exact language of energy and transmission of plant spirits that can be channeled at the moment through voice. This is generally what is responsible for the majority of healing shifts that unravel. It's like doing an energetic surgery with the agent that is used to direct the energy and consciousness of plants through the person's physical, emotional, and spiritual body.
I am doing a healing/learning diet of 21 days, allowing the shaman to choose what plant suits me best at this point (you can select your plant). I will sit in 8 ceremonies in this short time, plant baths, tobacco vomit, and lots of time in communion with myself and the plant. I am honestly so fucking scared, nervous, and excited; it's tough to describe the anxiety and ups and downs I am experiencing as a part of the pre-diet process. They say that your ceremony or diet starts the day you decide to embark. No doubt, I have experienced, on many occasions, sometimes completely disabling me to the point of not being able to think clearly enough to plan trips or navigate the inevitable issues of long-term/distance travel. I have some new friends in the plant medicine world, but for the most part, my closest friends are not. This has made it extremely hard to reach out for support to people who make jokes or don't understand what's so hard about choosing to embark on these journeys. That or most people seem more concerned about how it makes them feel I am leaving. This time has been extremely hard for me, but I am grateful for the ones I have who listen with an open heart and do their best to understand. It's been a time to dig deep, knowing I am strong and can support myself in this preparation time, knowing that I will be safe and held through this process once I get to the jungle. Trust that life will align me with the authentic, loving, supportive jungle family I am craving. Thank you to friends, teachers, and family who supported me along the way; thank you for the intensity. When the doctor calls, you listen, that a purge a year keeps the fears clear. Here we go. Onward and Upward.
This painting is still ongoing, but it better represents the paradoxical feeling of the last two years of my journey. Excited to bring beauty into the perceived darkness of this painting.
